Donna Kay

“I grew up in the Midwest. I was the youngest, with two older brothers. My father had been in World War II. He came from a family of all boys and didn't know what to do with a little girl, so that was tricky growing up. He became harmless in my eyes later in life, but he was always that bigger-than-life presence that I would typically stee”

Interviewed by Jonathan Rozek for Ten Paths. David Lindahl was not involved in editing these interviews.

Donna: I grew up in the Midwest. I was the youngest, with two older brothers. My father had been in World War II. He came from a family of all boys and didn't know what to do with a little girl, so that was tricky growing up. He became harmless in my eyes later in life, but he was always that bigger-than-life presence that I would typically steer clear of as a young girl.

I got married very young. I was only 21 and had a child shortly thereafter. I had been 22 for three weeks when my second daughter was born.

I found myself in a domestic-violence situation. It was bad, I had to call 911. It was going to be a murder-suicide thing. He took out his gun and cocked it. Then he pulled the babies out of bed and set them by the front door. 911 came, I got in my car with my kids, and never went home again.

We lived in my car for a while, actually. Eventually, somebody took us in. I went back to school, and for the first time in my life I got a 4.0 grade point average. For the first time, I thought: Wow, I'm not stupid! If I can do this, then anybody can do this.

Jon: You said you went “back” to school?

Donna: I had gone for a year when I was 18, and got a certificate in early childhood education. So when I was in my car with my kids, I realized, well, that level of education was not gonna cut it. I would move mountains to take care of these girls, so I went back to school full time and worked part time.

Finally I got our own place, a rental, and kept up with school. I continued to do very well. That was just the best thing in the world, because that's when I realized that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

At one point when we were living in my car, I was feeling pretty hopeless. I was worn down, weary, and thought: I don't know if I can do this. Suddenly I had this revelation—it was just like a lightning bolt. I was driving in my car, it was broken, and I didn't have any money. At the same time I had these beautiful girls in the backseat; they wanted their toys and things. They were two and four when this happened.

And so from that point on, whenever I started to feel defeated, I would actually do some deep breathing, progressive meditation, get totally relaxed and imagine being at the doctor. He would tell me that one of my kids is really sick. And I would let myself start to feel like: If only that weren't happening. And then I’d think: It's NOT happening. But I knew it was happening to a lot of people who may have gorgeous waterfront homes. They would give anything to trade places with me. I'm just some lady with temporary problems—and I have kids who are healthy and beautiful.

I’d take a deep breath, put that into perspective, and kind of on my knees, I’d think: What am I learning? What am I learning? What am I learning? I'm glad that happened early on in my life, because it's gotten me through many hard times.

Jon: That's amazing, I mean, to have that kind of an insight. I would think for most people, it would be the opposite. It would be: I'm not a bad person. Why am I in this situation, when there are plenty of bad people out there who have money and nice homes? What did I do to deserve this? And you switched it around.

Donna: You can't blame the world. That was powerful, because I realized I can't change anybody else. I can only change myself and my reactions. I think that's where my resilience came in, which came in handy over the years.

I then had different jobs. A friend of mine was a real estate agent, and she said: “You should do this!” So I became a real estate agent in 1991. I had three credits left to finish my degree at that point, but decided not to finish. I was working alongside MBAs, and was making as much money as they made, or more. I decided that I needed a balanced life while my kids were young. As it turned out, I finally did get my BA in my 50s, but it was a bucket-list item.

At any rate, I have been in real estate since 1991. In 2006 I thought the market was doing something weird and unpredictable, so I decided to open my own brokerage. I got my managing broker's license, and opened my brokerage with a property management division. It grew like crazy, because over the next couple of years, everything flew out of the sales market and into the rental market. The world was crashing, but I was sailing through that time, because of the residual income with property management.

I was helping other brokerages a little bit at this point. I'd go to these independent brokers’ meetings, and people were like: “We're dying! We’re crashing and burning!” I was like, “I'm doing great!” It was because property management got me through this time, and all the real estate sales were just a bonus. That was wonderful.

Jon: Where were you located then?

Donna: Seattle.

Jon: Now this would have been the subprime period. Weren't houses flying off the shelf then? You were making money by property management, but not with single-family homes or multis?

Donna: It was 2007 and 2008 when everybody was foreclosing. There were short sales everywhere. People just decided to rent out their homes instead of selling them. That’s why it became a boom time for property management. It was insane.

What happened then is kind of interesting. I opened my brokerage in 2006. By 2009 I had remarried and I had a young son. Anyway, in that one year, I was going through a separation with my husband. I had brought him on as my real estate assistant when I was pregnant with my son. Anyway, the marriage wasn't so great. So in 2008, I lost my brother, my mother, and my father, and I was going through a divorce as well. I decided to sell the brokerage. It was an extremely stressful time, but I got through it, and started to build everything back up.

Then I got breast cancer.

Jon: Oh man.

Donna: I know, right? I know I sound like a pathological liar or Forrest Gump or something.

It was pretty tough going through that period, because I had four major surgeries, and wound up ultimately with two mastectomies over one year—reconstruction, infection, and reconstruction removal. I was out for the count for four to six weeks each time and I couldn't work. There aren't really any resources for downwardly mobile people. That was pretty tough.

During that period, I started skating roller derby for the second time. It truly saved me, because I realized that wow, I'm getting stronger and I'm in my 50s! I was in a banked-track league in the midst of all these difficulties. I would say to my teammates: “OK, you 20 and 30 somethings! Shut up and skate! If I can get stronger and faster in my 50s, then you guys can do it, too.”

Roller derby kind of saved me through that time because it made me think: OK, life isn’t downhill now after all. I thought it had been going the wrong direction. Skating roller derby provided some hope and got me through that period. I ultimately wound up starting my own league and paid it forward by teaching a lot of people how to skate roller derby.

By 2010, I had sold my brokerage but kept my license and kept a very small management portfolio. I did real estate sales for past clients, referrals, and family and friends. I didn't want to build up to be a top producer. Every now and then I'd have an agent come or go, or an assistant come or go, and that was fine with me.

During the whole divorce mess, my ex tried to sabotage everything. He and my ex-business partner got together and decided to try to kick me out of my own business. This was right before I sold it. They failed miserably because they were both pretty ignorant. My business partner didn't understand our operating agreement, so she ended up getting one-eighth of what I originally offered her.

Jon: You have some story. To what do you attribute your resilience?

Donna: I think it was survival and I think it was my children. In one sense I was probably too young and naive to even have kids. But I would have honestly turned the world upside down for my kids. I would have done anything for them. That was my driving force. I had to provide a stable home for my children. That goal got me through ups and downs for many years.

My son was born when my daughters were 18 and 20 years old. He is now 22. He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as a young child and has quite a bit of social anxiety. I'm helping him get set up with a soap-making business, Chelan Valley Soap. He's in his own apartment and now it’s time for him to get a job. It's tricky, so it makes sense for him to have his own business.

In 2017, my oldest daughter, Jessica, actually wound up putting herself through MIT on a scholarship and then got her master's in electrical engineering and computer science. She's always been a whiz kid.

Jon: Wow.

Donna: Jessica called me up and said: “Mom, I'm going to this real estate thing that’s put on by a company called ‘RE Mentor’. I have two tickets; do you want the other one?” At first I was thinking: It's another one of those pitching seminars...I’ve been to so many of those…. But I thought at the very least I’d be spending time with her, so I said OK.

Jon: Your daughter had two tickets, but what got her interested if she was an electrical engineering whiz at MIT?

Donna: She's always on the lookout for ideas for a side hustle like: How can I retire at age 43? And she knows that I look for stuff like that, too. Passive income is a smart thing to build.

We went to the event, and we were impressed with the information. She’s like: “Should we do this? I'll pay for it. Let's do it.” I said: “OK. If you want to do it, I'll do it with you.”

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